Found Metal Friday / by Tony McMillen

I have been aware of this image for five years and it will never not be funny to me.

My new heavy metal horror novel An Augmented Fourth comes out this June.

To mark the occasion I'm going to bring you '"Found Metal" on Fridays.

Found Metal is pop culture stuff I’ve dredged up from the corners of my mind and mother internet that aren’t explicitly heavy metal in and of themselves but nevertheless they still possess that unnameable thing that makes something metal. Some things just have that connotation with them and it’s hard to say exactly why. Metal is one of those things that’s impossible to define exactly but you know it when you see it.

Today we have winter. Also maybe this cat, like just this one cat. Back to winter, winter is the most metal time of the year. Others will tell you it's Fall (calling it Autumn is decidedly not metal, Leaf Genocide would be the optimal handle but what can you do?) Winter is where it's really at for metalheads. 

Why?

Brutality. Beards. It looks like cocaine is covering the earth. You either go outside, face the elements and act like Rocky in Rocky IV preparing to stomp some Russian metahuman or you stay indoors and drink and pine for your lost friend Carl Weathers.

Snarl Weathers was going to be my Gnarls Barkley cover band...just saying.

Winter has the least amount of sunlight therefore it is the most metal time of the year.

Fact.

Also: